7 years ago, on Mother’s day, an epic event occurred in my family: My grandmother after experiencing a massive Stroke and spending a few days in the hospital, died.

I was sad and upset, needless to say. But exasperating my stressful situation was that my grandmother, who wasn’t religious, had wanted to be cremated. On the Motzaei Shabbat- this Saturday evening - before my grandmother died, I went to my synagogue rabbi, and he assured me that a proper burial would be paid for, which is what happened — only that we’re still working in the monument.

At the beginning of this week’s Torah portion, the children of Aharon, the High Priest, the Cohanim, are told they must be very careful to avoid death. A male Cohen, to this day, may not attend a funeral, except for that of his wife, parents, siblings, and children.

And Aharon himself, the High Priest or Cohen Gadol, may not go to any funerals, even for his father or mother.

When the Torah states that a lay Cohein may attend the funeral of his parents, it says so in this order: He may have contact with his deceased father and mother. It phrases the father first.

When the Torah tells us that a the High Priest, Cohein Gadol may not attend the funeral of his parents, it says so in this order: He may not have contact with his deceased mother and father . The mother is mentioned first.

Rabbeinu Asher, called the Rosh, as well as the school of Torah commentators known at the Tosfot, in Daat Zekeinim, point this out.

There is another case where the Torah mentions a similar law in two different places, but switches the order of mother and father, in a similar manner as our parsha. Does anyone know where that is? In the mitzva to honor one’s parents, the Torah mentions the father first, because a child tends to naturally honor his or her mother more than their father. Thus, the Torah needed to emphasize that a father is entitled to equal honor. In the mitzva to fear, or respect, one’s parents, the Torah mentions the mother first, because a child tends to naturally fear his or her father more than their mother. Thus, the Torah needed to emphasize that a mother is entitled to equal respect and awe as a father.

So too, in our parsha, the Torah wishes to emphasize to a regular Cohen that even though he could claim, how does he really know his father is actually his father, he nevertheless not only can, but ought to defile himself in order to pay final respects.

Good Shabbos, everyone. Shabbat Shalom. You may not have seen me for two weeks, but that doesn’t mean what I talked about last time isn’t relevant.

I spent Shabbos in a remarkable place, not too far from here in distance, but which is still very different. Lawrence, Long Island. A beautiful place, with luxurious houses, and wealthy or well-off people. From a Jewish, not only financial perspective, it is a great place. The people seemed to have money, but they use it for good cause. Definitely, as someone with Cantorial training, I could appreciate that they have not only a cantor, but also, for every other week when the cantor is away, an excellent baal tefila. The baal k’riya was a middle- aged Man, and he was really good. The synagogues were spotless, and shelved with the new OU siddur. The text of the torah Scroll they read from was really clear, and the parchment white.

I tell you of this not to bore you with the details of my week off, but to provide a contrast to what is going on here. This wonderful congregation has been worshiping in this space for almost 40 years, and now the corporation threatens to evict it and displace it with-of all options a church. The shul is almost broke, the Torah parchment is off-white, and the ink smudged–most of the sifrei Torah are posul; and we can’t afford to have them corrected We can only afford a minimal upkeep of the building-I am sometimes disgusted by how the mens’ room smells. The people who attend are not wealthy, and most of them are elderly–and the corporation approaches us, not to help us maintain our facilities, on behalf of the thousands of Jewish congregants who davened here over the past almost 40 years, who gave both their precious time and resources so that there should be a Traditional Jewish house of worship this neighborhood–But rather to insult them, not only by threatening to evict them from their synagogue, but by planning to replace them with a Church.

Moses, at the beginning of our Torah portion, after describing what we are to do with the idolatrous articles of the inhabitants of the Holy Land, mentions a puzzling stipulation: Lo taasun kein laHashem Elokaichem- You shall not do that to the Lord your God. And the commentaries ask, “Why would we do that?” Would Jews dare to the Mizbeach, the Altar, or the Aron, the holy Ark in the Temple, and Smash it? Of course not! Rather, the Torah means to tell us, according to our tradition, that one who erases even one letter from G-d’s name, or removes even one stone from His Temple Altar has done something wrong.

I would like to discuss another interpretation of this verse, You shall not do thus to the Lord your God, and apply it to our situation.
One may argue: Hey, it’s already set up. We have a large sanctuary, a smaller chapel, a couple of Hebrew School classrooms, and kitchen space, It would be so logical and convenient that, if this congregation’s membership has depleted, another religion’s large congregation ought to move in. Our verse comes to tell us, “No. They may have altars, and we have altars. They have holy scriptures, and we.

Within the verse’s context, of a description of the sacrificial service which would later on take place in Jerusalem, this verse comes to command us not to utilise bamot, altar

“They should no longer slaughter their sacrifices to demons after whom they stray. This should be An eternal statute for they for all their generations.”

[Velo yizbechu od et zivchehem lasi'irim asher heim zonim achareihem chukat olam tehyeh zot lahem ledorotam

(revi'i of Aharei (17:7)) Gutnick Edition, the Chabad Chumash]

This verse’s reference to si’irim, demons, seems very strange. What does that mean?

The Hebrews had managed to retain their basic Jewish identy in Egypt. They still circumcised their children. They still believed in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Despite all of the Egyptian culture surrounding them, all the animal worship, the sexual impropriety and idolatry, they still spoke Hebrew, kept their Hebrew names, and they still wore Hebrew clothing. Simutaneouly, as our sages tell us, the Israelites in Egypt had becomed depraved. They reached the 49th level of impurity, and had they corrupted themselves any more, they would not have been redeemed from slavery. Perhaps one could posit that the Israelites in Egypt had stooped to the level of worship of other gods, avodah zara, within the exotic and debased milieu of Egypt, and that’s what our parsha refers to.

Yet this commandment, this verse, under discussion, wasn’t given to the Jews in Egypt. God, through Moses, was telling this people, who had recently heard the Ten Commandments, not to sacrifice to si’irim, demons. Why would they do that, if they had already heard the Second Commandment, not to have, worship other gods, idols? Why would they even think to worship others? Moreover, we know malachim, angels, exist. But do we believe that demons really exist, or are they just figments of humans’ imaginations?

Rashi, or Rabbi Shlomo ben Yitzchak, the premiere commentator on the Bible, comments that the word si’irim indeed refers to sheidim, meaning demons. Apparently, there is a stream in Jewish philosophy which holds that demons do exist. We believe in good angels, malachim, so why not assume that bad spiritual powers, sheidim, perhaps the soton or Satan among them, actually exist?

Allow me to mention the opinion of other commentators on this subject.

I am sure that the Rambam, Maimonaides, would disagree with Rashi on this, and hold that demons don’t actually exist.

The Ibn Ezra, another rationalist commentator, writes that the word si’irim indeed refers to demons. However, he also holds that demons don’t actually exist. Rather, the meshugaim, mentally incompetent people, see them via hallucination. And such a phenomenon occurred with the Israelites in Egypt. Yet the one who sacrifices to, who worships, this figment of his or her imagination, is still liable to sin and punishment for worshipping it.

The Ramban, Nachmanides, a great commentator with a kabbalistic bent, holds that demons indeed do exist. However, in the ancient view of the elements: fire, air, water, earth, from which humans are made from all four, demons are only made from 2 of the four, fire and air. Like angels, they can fly around, and they can therefore see what happens all over, and what is likely to happen in the future, but they cannot actually see into the future. Therefore, not only is worshipping or sacrificing to them a betrayal of God’s command to Israel, doing so will have no effect. Whereas the demons indeed exist and can even view all over the world, they cannot actually participate or have effect on the world.

That opinion, of Nachmanides, which as I mentioned before that Maimonides, Rambam, which most certainly disagree with, therefore isn’t an understanding we have to actually accept as physical truth. We can explain this Biblical reference to demons as the Ibn Ezra and Rambam would, as referring to figments of our imaginations. However, the main point, the main lesson of the Ramban, and perhaps all of these great Torah commentators as a whole, nevertheless remains extremely relevant and applicable in our modern age of mass machinery of manufacture and transportation, as well as electronic communication: Of automobiles, jet airline transport. Of cell phones and e-mail. Of computers and the internet.

There is a lot to “believe in,” so to speak, in a very real way. But often — and I speak to myself regarding this, as well as regarding others — the advanced means can become an end unto themselves. When we know why we are performing a procedure, why a certain technology is indeed serving an important role, in helping ourselves, in helping others, in improving ours and others’ lives, and ultimately serving as a means towards the end of Tikkun Olam, improving the world as a whole, letakein olam beMalchut Shakai, towards the ultimate purpose of the service of G-d, then our means will not act as demons. Then we won’t be distracted by nothingness, by things which have no relevance to the proper life, to righteousness, to justice. To a Torah life and lifestyle, as prescribed in the Torah and urged by the holy prophets, and later the Sages and Rabbis.

Shabbat Shalom

]]> http://matzahmatter.com/?feed=rss2&p=157 http://matzahmatter.com/?p=154 http://matzahmatter.com/?p=154#comments Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:25:52 +0000 Zalman http://matzahmatter.com/?p=154 Hi! Let me introduce myself — I’m a 29-year-old male, living in Manhattan, where I grew up. I became Orthodox about 15 years ago, and I’m actually on the cusp of receiving rabbinical ordination! For the last several months, I have acted as rabbi-cantor of a synagogue in the Bronx. I read the Torah portion, lead the services as baal tefilla, and give the sermon. Basically, everything (sometimes, I even help preparing food for kiddush)– for a pittance salary. Anyway, I hope to be writing various kinds of posts here — personal posts about my life, news and opinions regarding happenings in the Jewish world, as well as essays relating to the Torah.

Let’s face it, the wrath of g-d is an important driving force in Judaism. I know it is definitely the reason I go to Yom Kippur every year to atone for my sins. The thought of being left out of the Book of Life is terrifying, but the thought of telling my mom that I didn’t go to services for the High Holidays is even more scary.

I may be thirty-four years old, but I still can’t attend any religious function wearing pants. I always hear that little mom voice in my head telling me it is not acceptable. Although, my mom lives in a completely different state, somehow I know she will know if I don’t dress or act appropriately. Maybe she can sense it through the phone lines?

I’m not alone in this fear. My bother, sister and I have discussed it at length. What do we tell mom if we don’t go to Seder or don’t fast? What will she think? Will she know if we tell her we did when we didn’t? We confer to make sure we all have our stories straight. This is key.

Ask any good jewish kid and I am sure you will hear the same stories. It is one of those things that bonds us jews together. Like going to summer camp or having particular opinions about the best bagel to eat lox and cream cheese with, we all share the embedded fear of our Jewish mother.

But when all is said and done, it is our mother who instills in us our faith in judaism, whip our tears, kisses our booboos, and makes us feel loved and protected no matter how old we may get. Perhaps that is why mothers are considerd closer to g-d. Maybe it is his way of having a piece of him here on earth to look out for us all, even if guilt and fear are a part of it. I hope when I become a mother someday, I can continue this long lasting lineage and carrying on the traditions my mother passed on to me.

Shabbat dinners have so much to offer, and regardless of whether I meet a potential date, I never leave feeling unsatisfied. Although the food may not always taste like the kind of home cooking you might be used, it is never unsavory. Occasionally, there are even potluck dinners, which are held at people’s homes throughout the city. I have not attended one of those yet, but I have done B’nai Jeshurun’s(BJ’s) Shabbat in the Park and it was great fun. I especially enjoyed it because I was able to make a whole spread, which also happened to draw curiosity from other attendees. I really liked sharing my food with others, meeting new people and enjoying time with my friends in the beautiful spring weather. It remains one of my most memorable Shabbat experiences. (BJ’s has a group for singles in their 20s and 30s which you can check out at http://www.bjtzeirim.org/)

If you are looking to attend services, have a great meal, meet people and learn a little something as well, I recommend checking out MJE’s varied Shabbat Dinners, held on the UES, UWS and downtown. My favorite part of these evenings is always the lectures that follow the meal. The topics are usually very interesting and thought provoking, and how can you go wrong with three different locations to choose from. (For information on the MJE’s Shabbat schedule, check out  http://www.jewishexperience.org/shabbat/friday-night-dinners)

A few weeks ago, I decided to check out Shabbat dinner at the JCC on the UWS. I have to say my expectations were pretty low. The last time I had attended a dinner at the JCC, it hadn’t gone so well. One side of my table that night were a couple of guys from Canada who keep making obnoxious comments, and on the other side was my friend and her ex, whom she said she wanted to avoid, but then proceeded to talk to the entire night. The only bright part of the evening was the hot Israeli actor who spoke later in the night about the play he was currently staring in for Israeli week. So you can see my trepidation about this upcoming Shabbat, but later I realized this actually turned out to be a benefit. Because I had no to low expectations, I wasn’t stressing about whether I would meet a guy or anyone for that matter. I could just sit back and be myself, and it turned out to be one of the most fun Shabbat dinners I have gone to in a long time. 

The table my friend Leah and I sat at was great. I even ran into someone I knew from my NiceJewishGirlsNYC Group. Everyone was very friendly and made an effort to get to know each other. I think this is the key to any Shabbat dinner. If you make the effort to get to know someone, they will do the same. We all chatted about a variety of topics, including dating, and joked about our different experiences. There were some very interesting stories flying around our table that night. In fact, we kind of forgot that there we other people at other tables in the room. In the end, I did ended up meeting a nice jewish guy to hang out with, and left the evening with a renewed interest in attending more Shabbat Dinners. (For a listing of 20’s and 30s event at the JCC check out, http://www.jccmanhattan.org/category.aspx?catid=1007&pID=1279)

With that renewed interest, my NiceJewishGirlsNYC Group is heading to the 92Y Tribeca this Friday for a comedy- themed Shabbat Dinner. It should be a fun filled evening of food,laughs and good people, and I am sure no matter what happens, we will all walk away with something postive. (For more information on the 92Y Tribeca, check-out http://www.92y.org/shop/category.asp?category=88892Tri+92Tribeca+Jewish+Life888)

Next time you’re thinking about going to a singles event, I hope you’ll consider Shabbat dinner. You never know what the evening will hold. You might learn something or you might even meet some new and interesting people. All you have to do is show-up and be yourself, but you will never know unless you try.

Jewish holidays are a chance for grandchild to get there cheeks pinched and kissed by loving grandparents, fathers and uncles to argue about anything and everything, and mothers and aunts to talk about the gossip around town. I’ve always found holidays to be a opportunity to catch up with my family (My mother had 9 brother, therefore I have almost 70 cousins. Needless to say it takes quite sometime to catch up with everyone). But with everyone’s own lives, families, and daily commitments it’s difficult to stay as close to each other as we want to be (Though a handful of my aunt’s have facebook, I don’t leave them picture comments as much as I should). Holiday are our excuse to drop everything we’re doing and get together with the people we love and care for the most.

As I recently moved to New York I will not be able to have passover with most of my family in Florida. Luckily, like most Jews, I also have family in New York and will happily be joining them. I’ve actually caught myself counting down the days, as I’m fully aware my Aunt and Uncle will force feed me home cooked food long after I’ve been stuffed (Since leaving the comforts of home to head to New York City, I’ve often found myself dreaming of multiple course home cooked meals). If you are still living at home and enjoying all of the comforts that come with it, eat good while you can (Or find a Jewish girl that likes to cook. I found a Jewish girl that likes to eat…what else is new).

To all of our readers we are wishing you a very Happy and Healthy Passover. Enjoy the holiday with family, friends, and loved ones.

This is a disturbing and growing trend, and I am not its only victim. In fact, it has also happened to many of my friends as well, girls and guys alike. I’ve tried to make to sense of it. I’ve tried to understand why you would spend the money to go to speed dating, circle yes to a person you are interested in, go home and fill out that information online, and then just drop the ball.

You might think that women are the only victims, but it has also happened to guys as well.  One of my girlfriends met a guy at speed dating several times and each time, they both said yes. But after each mutual yes, there was no follow through from the guy. The same thing happened to a few of my guy friends. Either the girls never replied to the initial contact after the event or they wrote back with the lame excuse of, ” I just have too much going on in my life right now.” This is my favorite excuse. Even I will admit to having used it, but usually this is after I’ve gone out with someone else I like better or I don’t know of a better way to let the guy down easily.

In my defense though, at least I went out with the guy. I had this line used on me as well from one of my mutual matches when we communicated after the event. My question to this is, “Why bother going to the event at all?” Instead why not reschedule and let someone else take your spot who might actually want to go out, or don’t bother saying yes to me at all. I would rather be rejected after the event, then rejected after you’ve already said yes.

When I attended speed dating last year, I asked a match I dated if he was guilty of this behavior himself. He told me he was. He claimed that I was his first pick, but he had said yes to every girl, just to see who liked him, and since I replied back to his communication, there was no reason to contact the other girls. You might think I would be flattered by being his first pick, but I wasn’t. Instead, I was enraged because I felt his speed dating etiquette sucked, for lack of a better slang expression. Why not at least contact the other girls and explain, or even try and go out with them? Why lead them on? My match had no answer. Perhaps in hindsight, he wished he had because we didn’t last past three dates.  He turned out not to be for me, for so many reasons.

That is besides the point, because the real issue here is the utter lack of etiquette, courtesy and empathy for someone else. Use your brain. Don’t go to speed dating for an ego boost. You are just wasting potential dates time and money and taking a spot away from someone who is really interested in meeting someone. Don’t say yes to someone if you have no intention of ever contacting them. Again, you are wasting time and money, and generally are being a jerk. This applies to both men and women. I’m not saying you have to date someone just because you both said yes. You could talk to them more after the event and find out you aren’t really compatible, but at least put the effort forward.

If I had my way, I would send a bill to all my mutual matches who never contact me and force them to pay my event fee, as well as the price of the drinks I had at the event. Unfortunately, I don’t have that power. Well, not yet anyway.

So, as I put on Teffilin in the morning, keep Shabbos and study ancient wisdom, I still don’t consider myself Orthodox. Observant? Yes. I listen to Bob Dylan, I drink Czech Beer and go to Williamsburg on weekends to remind myself of where I’m still coming from. No not that the Satmars, but the others who drink Czech Beer and listen to Bob Dylan.  The words Religious, or Yeshivish, or Chassidic really don’t mean anything. Well maybe Chasidic. But as my Rabbi put it, “you’re either growing or your not.” I’d like to think I’m growing instead of being placed in a closed ancient box.

First of all, the pressure is off. It’s not like a first date, where you feel like you are being judged for everything you say or do and can’t just relax. In speeddating each date only lasts for 4-8 minutes, depending on the number of people or organization hosting the event. So if one date doesn’t go well, you get to move on to someone else as soon as the whistle blows. Another great thing is being able to meet a large number of dating prospects in only a few hours, because every guy meets every girl. Basically the girls sit on one side of a table and the guys rotate to each table either according to the table number or letter. Plus,  you don’t have worry about being rejected or rejecting someone right there and then. Instead you take your score card home and check off the matches you liked or didn’t like online.  It takes about 24 hours to get the results and see who your potential matches are, which can be torture if you really liked someone. Once you receive your matches, the open communication can begin and so can the dating.

So I sucked it up and made my way down the stairs and into the venue.  I beelined for the bar and grabbed a drink. I hoped it would put my jitters aside and bring out my “A” game. I’m not sure if it was the weather, the lack of Jack or the fact that I had been out of the game for so long, but I just wasn’t feeling my usual flirty, dating self. Hopefully, none of the guys noticed.  Since 6 guys bailed on the evening, I only had 10 dates. Not that is a bad thing, but with all the breaks between dates it made the night kind of exhausting. Talking about yourself so much and trying to decide whether to pick yes or no for a match can be tiring, but all in all it was a fun night.

The guys who came to the jewish only speeddating were very interesting. They ranged in age, interests and occupations. Some were funny and asked great questions, while a couple had that desperate tone and seemed a bit distracted. This was definitely a different crowd from the last speeddating I had been too because alot of the guys had just moved to NYC and even the ones who lived here grew up somewhere, even as far away as South Africa. I defintely found that refreshing, being a Florida girl myself and a New Yorker for only 6 years. The fresh perspective really added to event.

When the last whistle was blown signaling the last date of the night, I felt a bit of relief and walked out into the rainy streets of the city in silence contemplating who I would say yes to and who no. Now that I have entered my matches online, I must wait patiently to see if any connections were made. Either way, I’m happy to finally have put myself out there again.  Only time will tell if the #14(the number on my name tag) will bring me luck.

You check out speeddating options at:

www.hurrydate.com

www.eightminutedating.com